


Happily Ever After..Or Not

by clexaisthewave



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Drunk Sex, F/F, F/M, G!p Lexa, Girl Penis Lexa, Heavy Angst, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Marriage, More tags to be added, Sad Clarke, Sad Lexa, Sex, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 19:30:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11904675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexaisthewave/pseuds/clexaisthewave
Summary: Princess Lexa is arranged to marry Princess Costia, but she has fallen for her fiancee's lady in waiting Clarke Griffin. Will they find a happily ever after?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> warning : intimate scenes between Costia and Lexa in this chapter

Princess Lexa Woods is set to be married to Princess Costia Williams in a weeks time. Lexa is very nervous. Every summer Costia comes to visit for a month with her ladies in waiting, Raven, Clarke, and Octavia. They have just arrived and Lexa is a buzz with nerves. Costia has always seemed out of reach to her. Lexa actually preferred spending time with Clarke, one of Costia’s ladies in waiting. Clarke has become a very good and trusted friend of hers. It’s funny, she actually looks more forward to seeing Clarke then Costia.

Lexa and Costia have been engaged since they were babies.

So Lexa is pure and that’s the issue...well at least for Lexa it is an issue. You see most royals have many lovers, in secret of course, before they are wed.. Lexa hasn’t. She just never felt the desire too. And now she’s nervous she won’t be good enough to please her soon to be wife.

At that moment, someone knocks at her door. Lexa furrows her brows and quietly gives permission for the mysterious visitor to enter. It’s Clarke, beautiful shy Clarke Griffin. Lexa smiles wide.

“Sorry princess, Costia wanted me to drop off your coat. You forgot it in her chambers tonight.” Clarke mumbles quietly, her eyes a little sad and distant. Lexa gulps. Her and Costia stayed up late, sharing wine and talking. Costia kissed her and Lexa felt knots form in her stomach. Her first kiss..with her wife to be no less...but it didn’t feel right.

“Oh um..I…” Lexa stutters with her words.

“It’s okay Princess. I won’t say anything.” Clarke smiles sadly. It rips Lexa’s hearts to shred and she’s not sure why. “I’m glad you and Princess Costia are getting close finally.” Clarke mumbles with a broken heart. She was stupid and foolish to fall for the young princess, one day to be queen of Trikru. She’s engaged after all..and Clarke is the lady in waiting to her fiance. Clarke shakes her head from these thoughts and bows politely. 

This new formality between Clarke and her feels foreign and unwelcome to Lexa. She’s not sure why Clarke is acting so polite and formal. They have been friends since they were 10 years old when Costia would throw temper tantrums and lock herself in her room all day. Raven and Octavia were best friends and would run off and explore the castle together. That left Clarke alone. Lexa was lonely too. She was after all the heir and only child of the Queen and King, left in a castle with old politicians and nobody to play with. Clarke was her safe haven in the summer months. Clarke was the only light she ever really had. She would count away hopelessly for summer every year.

“Why are you calling me Princess?” Lexa asks confused. “We are way passed that at this point.” Lexa chuckles softly.

“I just thought...I think it’s best if I call you Princess from now on.” Clarke says in the most professional voice she can muster up. Lexa frowns.

“Why? Did I do something to offend you?” Lexa asks, frustrated by Clarke’s behavior.

“No..” Clarke sighs greatly. “You’re right. I’m sorry Lexa. I just have a lot on my mind lately.” Clarke deflates. There’s no use trying to act professional now anyways. She’s already fell for the princess. Calling her by her title will not change that very fact.

“Well come in, we can talk.” Lexa says with a soft smile on her face, opening her door a little wider.

“It’s alright. I don’t want to disturb you.” Clarke says quietly but Lexa insists further.

“Please Clarke, I haven’t seen you alone at all since you all arrived this summer.” Lexa begs. She’s missed her best friend dearly. They arrived a few days ago and Clarke has seemingly been avoiding her like the plague. She doesn’t understand why.

“It’s been so busy with the wedding coming up..” Clarke mumbles as she walks in to Lexa’s bedroom. She hasn’t been in Lexa’s bedroom since they were children.

“That makes sense I guess. My mind has been all over the place as well. I can’t believe the wedding is so soon.” Lexa says unenthusiastically. She knows she has to marry Costia. This marriage is of great political importance and strategy for her family. And Costia is a great girl from what Lexa knows of her..except the fact that she’s spoiled and acts much too entitled for Lexa’s taste. But Lexa is willing to look past all that and give their union a real shot.

“You don’t sound very excited.” Clarke says softly.

“I’m excited to strengthen our alliance with your country. I’m just nervous for..well never mind.” Lexa mumbles to herself, her face growing blush.

“Please feel free to speak candidly. You know I won’t ever say a word you tell me in confidence.” Clarke says quietly, tucking a strand of her own hair behind her tiny little ears. She has to be there for Lexa, her best friend, even though hearing the details of Costia and Lexa’s wedding is killing her.

“Well I’m nervous for our wedding night..” Lexa says with a light blush on her face.

“Oh..” Clarke says, slightly taken aback by the topic. Royals are very reserved about these things. Sex outside of marriage happens but it is behind closed doors and in secret. Many engage in this but it has to be hidden. It’s yet another archaic rule of the times.

“I have heard rumours that Princess Costia has experience in this area.” Lexa says and Clarke bites her lip. Princess Costia would kill her if she knew they were talking about this. Actually, she’d probably kill Clarke for just being in Lexa’s private bed chambers at all.

“I’ve never heard those rumours..” Clarke mumbles nervously.

“I’m not asking you to tell me your princess’ secrets, Clarke.” Lexa chuckles. “All I’m saying is that I do not have the same type of experiences. I worry my performance on our wedding night will not meet expectation.” Lexa says quietly. This is rather embarrassing to say outloud.

“Oh Lexa, you will do just fine. You shouldn’t worry.” Clarke says with a sting in her heart.

“I realize how trivial this may seem...I am to be Queen after all. There are much more important matters I should be focusing on…but I just..I-”

“It’s not trivial.” Clarke blurts out and Lexa looks over at her.

“I think we all share similar worries. I would be thinking the same things if I were getting married.” Clarke mumbles.

“So are you..?” Lexa asks and Clarke nods slowly, gulping slightly.

“I am still pure, yes.” Clarke says softly. “I do not have a station or title like Raven and Octavia. I am not a princess like Costia. The only way I will marry into royalty and save my family’s debts is if I have a good reputation.”

“Your family has debts?” Lexa asks gently. She never knew this about Clarke. “Clarke, I can help-”

“No..that is not how this all works. Their debts are very deep and you couldn’t help me without people noticing. People will talk. That would do irreversible damage to my family’s reputation.” Clarke mumbles.

“Clarke..you should marry for love.” Lexa says, her heart beating faster for some reason.

“You should too.” Clarke sadly smiles and looks in Lexa’s eyes. Lexa feels like everything is right in the world when she looks into Clarke’s eyes. She wonders why kissing Costia didn’t feel like this.

“Well perhaps we both deserve better.” Lexa inches closer naturally and so does Clarke. Clarke’s eyes widen as Lexa’s eyes drift to her lips. And Lexa gets it in that moment. It didn’t feel right with Costia. And now she knows why.

“I should be getting to bed.” Clarke stutters out, breaking Lexa from her thoughts.

“Clarke..” Lexa follows Clarke to the door. 

“You have an early day planned with Princess Costia. She told me you are taking her to your family’s winery this weekend. That sounds lovely.” Clarke paints a fake smile on her face, her heart aching. She doesn’t know what was just about to happen..but it can’t.

“Yeah..” Lexa says slowly, disappointed Clarke is leaving.

“You need to give your union with Princess Costia a shot. Maybe you two can genuinely be happy.” Clarke says softly as it breaks her heart.

Lexa nods, looking at her feet in defeat. Clarke shakes her head, holding back her tears. She leans up and kisses Lexa gently on the cheek. Lexa holds onto Clarke’s arms in surprise and there they both are suspended in time for a moment. Lexa wants to kiss Clarke so badly in this moment, but Clarke is right. She is about to just get married and there’s no way out of it. She can’t start something new with Clarke. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

“Goodnight Lexa.”

“Goodnight blue eyes.”

\--------

The rest of Lexa’s weekend consists of listening to Costia talk about various topics such as her vacation home and her wild nights back at Arkadia. She casually mentions Clarke and how the blonde never goes out with them, calling her a bore. Lexa seethes at those comments and barely can hold her composure. 

Clarke isn’t a bore, quite the opposite actually. Clarke is kind and sweet and funny in a specific witty humour that Lexa has never seen anyone else possess. And Clarke can’t party and let loose because the weight of her family’s future weighs on her shoulders. Doesn’t Costia see that? Lexa shakes her head from these thoughts. Clarke also told Lexa to give Costia a chance so that’s what she’s going to try to do for the rest of the trip.

The rest of the trip is wine and talking and it’s not horrible...but it’s not amazing either. Lexa sighs as she gets ready for bed one night. Of course the two princesses have separate rooms. Then there’s a knock on her door.

Lexa quietly tells them to enter, assuming it’s her guard post. She couldn’t have been more wrong, however. It is none other than her wife to be, Costia. And not wearing all that much. Lexa feels a little turned on when she takes in Costia’s figure. She immediately feels guilty because of Clarke, however.

“You know, princess..” Costia husks out in a low sexy voice but Lexa cuts her off.

“It’s Lexa. Please just call me Lexa.” Lexa says lowly, not sure why her voice is so low. Costia smirks in triumph.

“Well _Lexa_ , I was just going to say that it’s a shame we have not spoken much in the past.” Costia husks out.

Lexa looks over Costia’s figure again. Costia is swaying her hips, moving to the bed. Lexa is still lounging on her bed, watching Costia as she walks toward her. Costia is wearing a thin nightgown. You can see her body. 

“I suppose so.” Lexa mumbles out after taking a large gulp.

“I was thinking we could change that.” Costia says with a smirk, climbing on the bed and on Lexa. Lexa’s hands naturally find her hips and grips on for dear life. Her brain is on overdrive right now and she’s not quite sure why.

“What do you say?” Costia whispers in her ear sensually and Lexa shudders. Lexa nods and Costia smiles before kissing Lexa passionately. Lexa moans into the kiss and pulls Costia in closer. She feels a stirring in her pants and she groans quietly. She tries hard to push away the guilt she feels right now. Why does she feel guilty? Costia is her wife to be. She shouldn’t feel this way..but she does.

Costia starts to grind on her and Lexa hardens. Lexa starts softly moaning, feeling so aroused and good. It feels really good, even though a part of her is still feeling guilt. She decides to let the physical want win out.

Costia encourages Lexa’s hands to her breasts. Lexa squeezes and moans as Costia kisses her neck.

“Do you like touching me, Princess?” Costia asks breathlessly, her hot breaths hitting Lexa’s neck.

“Yes..” Lexa mumbles right before Costia kisses her soundly again. She can feel Costia’s hands make their way to her boxers and starts to rub. Lexa throws her head back slightly.

“So hard for me..let me help you with this.” Costia smirks and goes down Lexa’s body. Lexa’s eyes widen slightly as Costia takes off her boxers and starts kissing her member. Lexa fells her eyes roll into the back of her head when Costia puts her mouth down there. Her hands naturally go to Costia’s hair and she closes her eyes, in ectasy. 

“Costia, yes..” Lexa moans, encouraging Costia’s movements.

When all is said and done and Costia leaves her bedroom to avoid suspicion in the morning, Lexa is alone again. Her guilt hits her again like a freight train.

She should be thinking of Costia, her soon to be wife, after such an intimate act. But all she can think of is Clarke.

\------

After Lexa and Costia return from their trip, the castle is abuzz with gossip that they spent the night together. It’s not the worst rumour to go around and besides, the rumour hasn’t spread to the higher officials so it’s okay. But Lexa can see the exact moment where Clarke finds out.

Raven and Octavia are giggling and start talking to Clarke. Lexa is sitting with her parents across the throne room, carefully watching the interaction. Clarke walked in all smiles to see Lexa but when Raven and Octavia pulled her aside for a moment, her smile wiped away. Lexa’s heartbreaks. 

Clarke sadly smiles and avoids Lexa’s gaze. Lexa tries to get up to go talk to her but her father calls her back to their table so she lets Clarke go. 

\-------

Clarke has been avoiding her for this past week. Every time Lexa asks Costia about Clarke, Costia says she’s busy running errands for the wedding. The wedding will be here in a week. She misses Clarke. She needs to see her. She needs to at least explain herself.

\------

“Raven, where’s Clarke?” Lexa desperately asks the next morning when she stumbles across the Reyes girl.

“She left this morning.” Reyes responds.

“What?! Where did she go?” Lexa asks in shock. Raven narrows her eyes, slightly suspicious. Everyone knows Lexa and Clarke are close. Raven just assumed it was friendly. Maybe she assumed wrong.

“Her father passed last night..the sickness came quick and sudden.” Raven says carefully.

“Oh..” Lexa says slowly. She’s deeply saddened to hear of Clarke’s father’s passing. She’s not sure if they were very close but she is very worried for Clarke now. She knows her family was depending on her dowry to keep them afloat. But without her father, this complicates their situation much more.

“Don’t worry Princess, she will be back before your union with Princess Costia,” Raven says. Princess Cosita refused Clarke’s request to stay longer than the funeral, but Raven isn’t about to tell Lexa that. She knows Lexa will flip out and that will help no one. “Good day, Princess.” Raven nods politely to Lexa and walks off, wondering what Lexa and Clarke really are to each other.

\------

Clarke comes back the day of Lexa’s wedding. Lexa hears of her arrival and immediately goes to the blonde’s bedroom.

“Lexa, you can’t be here.” Clarke scolds Lexa for coming to her bedroom. People will talk. Now more than ever, she can’t afford negative gossip.

“Then let me in and nobody will see me.” Lexa says nervously. Clarke bites her lip and moves so Lexa can come in.

“Fine but only for a few minutes.” Clarke says quietly. Lexa comes in the room and looks around at all the sketches. She knew Clarke likes to draw but she didn’t realize how talented she was. Now it not the time for this, however.

“I heard about your father. I’m so sorry, Clarke. If there is anything I can do to help..” Lexa rambles on.

“Thank you Lexa. There’s nothing you can do to help my family. Only I can fix this.” Clarke mumbles out.

“What do you mean?” Lexa asks frustrated. She’s going to be Queen! Of course, she can fix this. She just has to think of how.

“I have to wed..Costia agreed to introduce me to Duke Collins at the reception for your wedding.” Clarke mumbles sadly. 

Lexa sees red. Duke Collins is a player and a self entitled asshole. He sees women as objects. He’s horrible.

“Clarke, you can’t marry Duke Collins. He is not a suitable partner at all!” Lexa fumes. How could Costia think he was a good idea for beautiful, perfect Clarke?

“Duke Collins has been searching for a wife for quite some time. He has money and reputation, enough to ensure my sisters will be able to marry someone they love..or at least like. I can do this. I can make this sacrifice for my family...I bear it so they don’t have to.” Clarke says confidently, even though she’s breaking inside. 

“Clarke..” Lexa cups Clarke’s cheeks and Clarke sucks in an unsteady breath. Lexa looks to Clarke’s lips and then back to her beautiful eyes.

“Don’t marry him.” She says desperately.

“I..I have to…” Clarke stutters out. “He’s the only viable option…”

“No he’s not.” Lexa says softly. “Marry me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runaway lovers, weddings, secret contracts, and more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: violence

_Later that Day_

“The wedding was rather lovely..although what about that scandal?” Duchess Sydney says to the other wives as the drink their champagne. “I mean really what was the Princess thinking?”

“Lexa, we need to talk.” Her father’s voice booms. Lexa nods tightly at her father as she is whisked away into a private room where they could talk with nobody else around.

“Father..” Lexa begins but her father puts his hand up. Lexa immediately silences. He looks furious but his voice is eerily calm.

“You are to be Queen one day very soon, Lexa.” Her father says, his voice tired. “You know my health is failing me.” Her father says and Lea looks to the ground guilty. She has been trying so hard not to put pressure on her father, especially knowing that he is sick. That information is not common knowledge, however. There is still hope for a cure.

“Father, I am so-”

“No apologies. A Queen should never have to apologize because all her actions should be well thought out and executed. What is your excuse for this?” Her father, Mateo, says. The king is a very methodological man. He is a man of precision. He has no room for spontaneity or outbursts.

“I was thinking that Duke Collins is a completely unacceptable partner for Lady Griffin. He was all over her and she did not want his advances!” Lexa growls out. She loves Clarke so she might be biased but she would have reacted the way she did no matter who it was. 

“Do you know how this looks?” King Mateo says, exasperated. “You wed Princess Costia, and with very little enthusiasm evident on your part. And two hours later, you are punching out one of the richest nobles in our lands for putting his hands on a lady in waiting of your new wife? A lady in waiting that many servants report to have seen you leave her room just hours before your wedding?”

“Father, please if you’d let me just speak. I can explain myself.” Lexa says desperately. She knows how this all looks.

“If you wish to take Lady Griffin as your official mistress, then you may. You will need your new wife’s approval and then perhaps this will all go away. Everyone knows you cannot put your hands on the royal’s spouses or official mistresses and expect no backlash.” King Mateo offers. He can tell Lexa loves this girl. It reminds him of when he was younger. He fell for a kitchen servant and wished to wed her. Of course, his father would not allow such things and since she was of such low station, she wasn’t even deemed an appropriate choice to be his official mistress. He lost the love of his life because he was devoted to his country and his reign. At least, perhaps his daughter can find happiness with both ruling and having her love closeby.

“She deserves to be more than a mistress, father.” Lexa says indignantly.

“Well that’s all she could ever be to you, Lexa.” Mateo says, his voice much firmer and resolute now. 

“Duke Collins had his hands all over her when she continually denied his aggressions. It is understandable my reaction. This doesn’t have to become about my love for Clarke.” Lexa says openly. Her father already guessed that she loves Clarke. There’s nothing she can do to hide it from the King now so she might as well be honest.

“Lexa, the nobles all saw you.” King Mateo says. 

“I was not going to stand there as King Titus got his way and ruined Clarke’s reputation, forcing her to marry Duke Collins and be whisked away to his lands.” Lexa says and the king looks at her curiously.

“What does King Titus have to do with any of this? Is there anything else I should know?” Her father asks. Lexa bites her lip. She promised she wouldn’t say a word but perhaps her father should know.

“Yes. There’s much for you to know, father.” Lexa says and begins the story of what happened earlier in the day.

///

_Earlier that day_

“Marry me.” Lexa says passionately, pulling Clarke in close by her waist. “Clarke, there is something brilliant here, something beautiful between us. Tell me you feel it too.” Lexa says, unsure where this wind of confidence and recklessness is coming from.

“Lexa..you are to marry Costia in hours.” Clarke says, her head spinning.

“We can run away together to the small chapel in a nearby village. My father will be angry yes but he is also a man who deals with the cards he is given. He will be able to spin the story in our favor.” Lexa caresses Clarke’s cheek. 

“Lexa, I appreciate your kind words but you are with Costia. You were intimate with her..you need to give it a chance.” Clarke says shaking her head and pulling out of Lexa’s embrace. “This is too hard for me, Lexa. I..please leave.” Clarke says, tears freely flowing down her cheeks.

“Clarke, please hear my words. If you still wish me to leave after I will.” Lexa says softly. Clarke hesitantly turns around and sits on her the edge of her bed. Lexa follows suit and sits next to her.

“I do not love Costia. I never will love her. I tried to be with her at our family’s winery. Those rumours are true. But I did not...I don’t even know how to say this. I didn’t have sex with her. We did...other things but I..”

“I don’t want to hear those type of details..” Clarke mumbles quietly and Lexa nods.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know that what me and her shared that night wasn’t meaningful or special. It never will be anything more than a business interaction between us. There’s no love..and I thought that’s how I had to live my life. But if there’s even a small chance that I can be with you..I’ll take it in a heartbeat. I’ll risk it. I’d risk my reign for you if you asked me to.” Lexa says and takes Clarke’s hand into hers.

“I could never ask you to do that Lexa.” Clarke gasps at the offer.

“I will love you with my all if you allow me to. And I know you need money and reputation for your family. I promise you my father will come to understand my decision to wed you. You are still of high station, even if you aren’t of royalty. My father can persuade the nobles to accept my rash actions.” Lexa says and Clarke bites her lip. She really wants this but she knows how wrong this could go for all parties involved.

“And what of Princess Costia?” Clarke asks. “She will not go away quietly.”

“We can help arrange a marriage with her and my cousin, Queen Luna of Floukru. Luna is Queen already and has been searching for a suitable wife with potential to open up room for more sea trade in her lands. Costia’s lands of Shallow Valley would be perfect for trade routes. 

“Lexa, this is insane.” Clarke says, biting her lip.

“Maybe..but I know my life will only be worth living with you by my side.” Lexa says and Clarke looks at her for the first time during this whole declaration. She loves Lexa, truly and deeply. But this could be dangerous. The smart thing to do would be to marry Duke Finn. She has heard he is quite cruel but she can take the pain and suffering if it means her family is okay. But now Lexa is giving her the chance to have her love and save her family. 

“This feels too good to be true.” Clarke says softly. Lexa pulls Clarke’s face in and gently lifts her chin so that they’re almost kissing.

“I’ve been in love with you since we were children and you were the only one brave enough to talk to me.” Lexa says and Clarke melts.

“I love you too.” Clarke kisses her and Lexa immediately kisses back passionately. Their lips mold together in a heated display. They kiss for some time, neither girls wanting to separate from one another. It’s like something new sparked in each of them. Kissing Clarke is like something she has never experienced before.

“This is crazy..” Clarke says in a breathy whisper once they break up for air. “This isn’t going to work.”

“I am to be Queen.” Lexa says confidently. “I will make sure that this works.”

An hour later, Lexa returns to Clarke’s bedchambers with their plans. She has found a small chapel that will agree to do the wedding in secret. She whisks Clarke away and they ride on horseback (instead of in the official royal carriage to avoid suspicion. What they do not realize is that a servant to a very important figure has spotted them and has scurried off to tell their boss of the duo’s plans. 

“Will you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts you?” The chaplin says.

“I do.” Lexa says with a bright smile. Clarke’s heart is beating so fast. She can’t believe this is happening.

“And will you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts you?”

“No she does not.” A echoing voice interrupts the ceremony. Lexa’s brows furrow, looking around to find the source. Her eyes land on..

“King Titus.” Lexa says in a shocked tone. King Titus is Costia’s father. When his servant heard of Lexa’s plans to run off with one of his daughter’s ladies in waiting, he knew he had to stop it before this foolish Trikru princess started a war between their lands.

“Princess Lexa. I would rethink your actions right now.” King Titus’ voice booms through the church.

“With all due respect your majesty, I stand by my actions. I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement to repay you and Princess Costia for your understanding. I can even contact my cousin Queen Luna to arrange a meeting between her and Costia. Maybe even a potential courting.” Lexa says in her most political voice.

“No that will not suffice. You will not make a fool of my country or my daughter. You will get back on your horse and ride back to the castle and wed her just as you and your family agreed. Am I to believe this is the type of Queen you will one day be? The type who goes back on their words as easy as Lady Griffin must be. Actually, even calling her a lady is rather ironic if you ask me..” Titus smirks as sees the fire light up in Lexa’s eyes.

“How dare you..” Lexa screams out indignantly for the insults the King has thrown at her love.

“Lexa..please don’t do anything you will regret. He is a king.” Clarke whispers, tugging on Lexa’s arm before Lexa has the chance to charge at Titus.

“King Titus, I will not be marrying your daughter. I’m sorry. We will figure out a way to make peace between our lands but marrying a woman I do not love will not be the way.” Lexa says formally before facing the chaplin. “You may start again.”

The chaplin looks uneasy and fearful for his life. “Start again please.” Lexa says desperately. Clarke bites her lip.

“Lexa..” Clarke says worriedly.

“You reckless, foolish girl!” Titus exclaims. “Guards, take Lady Griffin into custody.”

“You can’t do that.” Lexa draws her sword and pushes Clarke behind her.

“Actually I can. Lady Griffin is one of my subjects. She is merely in this country at the service of her Princess. She has committed acts of treason, conspiring against her princess and our continued rule. She will be hanged for her treachery.” Titus says and nods at his guards to attack.

“I will die before I let you take her. Do you really wish for war, King Titus?” Lexa says adamantly.

“Do you, Princess?” Titus says calmly. “I will not allow you to make a fool of my family, my house, my reign. Not to mention, I have information about your father that you do not wish to become public...information of a sensitive and timely nature.”

Lexa sighs out. This has all gotten so out of hand. She feels a hand on her shoulder and turns to see Clarke with teary eyes.

“Lexa, we tried.” Clarke says sadly. 

“Clarke, don’t say that. We can still..”

“Shh my love. There’s nothing left to do or say at this point.” Clarke says gently. 

“I will go willingly. Just one moment to say goodbye please.” Clarke announces to King Titus and the guards. The guards look to King Titus and he nods.

She shakily kisses Lexa’s lips. “Being with you was amazing..even if it was only for a day’s time.” Clarke says with a shaky wet laugh. 

“Clarke..” Lexa cups her cheeks. “I will not let them take you.”

“You have no choice. Even the most powerful have very little choice in this harsh world. I know this is a burden but watch out for my sisters when I am gone.” Clarke says and Lexa shakes her head.

“I will not allow this. No.” Lexa shakes her head fiercely.

“Lexa..Lexa, you have to let me go.” Clarke says shakily.

“I’m so sorry.” Lexa says, pulling Clarke in for one more kiss before she faces her enemies in front of her.

“I will marry Princess Costia.” Lexa announces. King Titus smiles. “If you do not press charges against Lady Griffin. This was all my idea. She had no say.”

“Are you saying that this was to be a forced marriage? Do you know how that would look if such claims spread passed these walls?” King Titus says. He knows Lexa is lying about it being all her idea. She's just trying to protect the blonde. Princess Lexa is very bold and hard to control, Titus reasons. She could be a very reckless Queen, he reckons. Dangerous. He will have to keep a close eye on her. 

“Exactly what I am saying. Therefore, you have no bounds to charge Lady Griffin on counts of treason.” Lexa says confidently. “Let her go with no repercussions. Not a hair on her head hurt and she can keep her post as a lady in waiting. Princess Costia will not hear of any of this and you will not tell a soul of my father’s secret.”

King Titus chuckles. “Who are you to tell a king what he will or will not do?”

Lexa’s face is hard and cold, her eyes like ice. “Do we have a deal?” 

King Titus looks at his future daughter in law. “Contrary to what you must think, I do not enjoy this all, Princess." Titus says honestly. Lexa stares at him with a cold stare, still waiting for his answer to her question. He sighs. "I want your promise that when you become Queen you will supply my lands with fleets of your finest ships.” Titus says firmly.

“Are you planning an invasion, your majesty?” Princess Lexa asks carefully. She knows Azgeda and Shallow Valley have been on the edge of war for years now ever since Trikru facilitated a very uneasy truce between the two nations.

“Of course not. Just protecting our lands from Azgeda’s continual efforts to push into our land. I want this in writing. A secret contract between us.” King Titus says and Lexa knows it’s a lie. King Titus doesn’t even care enough to lie well.He knows that he has Lexa in such a vulnerable position that she will have to agreed to his demands.

“Deal.” Lexa says firmly. She knows how dangerous this agreement will be for her country but she has to take it. She has no other options. 

///

“Lexa, you were foolish to agree to give Titus our fleets!” King Mateo exclaims. “Maybe you are not as ready to be Queen as I thought. Your actions are completely reckless. Maybe your younger brother should start being groomed for the crown.”

“Father, I know what I did was reckless but it will never come to that.” Lexa says calmly. “I will find a solution.”

“You will be getting us involved in a war between two of the greatest powers in the world. A war that nobody would manage to escape without mass casualties. Azgeda and Shallow Valley have a longstanding feud that has only come to an armistice because of our continued peacemaking efforts."

“Father I know! But was I to let Clarke die? We would have been at war with Shallow Valley by the end of the day.” Lexa says.

“What were you thinking?! Did you really thinking a arrogant man like Titus Williams would let his only daughter be humiliated?” King Mateo screams, frustrated. “I always taught you to not be a cold ruler...to rule with your head _and_ your heart. But you have taken my words too far..completely forgetting your head somewhere along the way!”

“I love her father. I had to take a chance.” Lexa tries desperately.

“My Lexa..you are so young. You should not have to rule so soon but alas, these are the cards we have been dealt” King Mateo says.

“How can I fix this?” Lexa says and King Mateo looks off in the distance.

“Do you trust Lady Griffin?” The King says carefully.

“Of course.” Lexa responds immediately.

“No Lexa, I need you to think rationally and coldly. Can she be trusted? Will she remain loyal to you even though you wed another?” King Mateo says harshly. Lexa looks at him confused.

“Yes but why..”

“Because of your mess, we need an insider in Azgeda. Someone who can persuade the newly widowed king to relieve some tension with Shallow Valley. If Azgeda would stop with their ‘border checks’ and border disputes with Shallow Valley then you will never have to give up the fleets you so foolishly promised.

“Can I just not give King Titus the fleets when he asks? We can find dirt on him and exploit it. Rip up the contract.” Lexa tries. “Clarke isn’t a chess piece in this game of strategy, father.”

“Lexa, when will you realize that everyone is a part of this game? Even us royals are not untouchable. You have put Clarke directly in the crossfire.” King Mateo says before softening his voice. “Look King Roan of Azgeda is a man of deep faith. He will not accept a bride who is not pure. He will not accept anything less than virginal bride but he is a good man from what I have heard. His wife who just passed was not able to bear him children so he has no heirs expect for a bastard who can never be king. He is looking for a wife and he owes me a favor. I can set up the meeting between them. But only if she is still pure. Will that be a problem?” Her father asks and Lexa bites her lip, her head hanging low.

“Clarke is still pure.” Lexa says gently. “But father her family has debts.”

“How much?” Mateo asks calmly.

“A lot. Enough that Clarke has to wed rich or her family will go bankrupt. And now that her father has passed..” 

“She needs to wed soon.” Mateo fills in the rest of Lexa’s sentence. “You truly love this girl?” King Mateo asks gently.

“Very much so, yes.” Lexa says quietly. 

“Then this is her best chance.” King Mateo says.

“What to be a spy for us?” Lexa balks. “Do you realize what they will do to her if they find out she is supplying us with information on Azgeda? We will lose our ally and Clarke will die. We will be at war with Azgeda anyways.”

“The alternative is definitive war when I die. You know the armistice is only alive as long as I am alive. When I die, our kingdom will be weakened until you become accustomed to the crown. In even that short time, Shallow Valley or Azgeda will go for a power grab or invasion in each other's lands. Without us watching their moves, peace will deteriorate. It is something I worried about before you told me your agreement with King Titus." 

“She will wed King Roan. I’m sorry Lexa but this is the only way and it is my final word on the subject.” King Mateo gets up to leave but turns around before leaving. “You may be the one to tell her.”

///

“Clarke..can we talk?” Lexa asks as she barges into Clarke’s bedroom.

“Lexa, no. You cannot be in my bedchambers. The rumours are running rampant after what you did to Duke Collins.” Clarke says worriedly.

“He put his hands on you. You pushed him off and he grabbed you!” Lexa says and Clarke sighs.

“I know and I know you had good intentions when you tried to defend me but it was foolish.” Clarke says gently.

“Everyone is calling me foolish tonight, it seems.” Lexa says, exasperated. Clarke closes the door as the damage is already done; Lexa is in her room.

“Not that this is something I want to think about but shouldn’t you be with Costia. It’s your wedding night. There are traditions.” Clarke says sadly.

“Clarke..” Lexa says sadly. “I-”

“No I know, I know.” Clarke says with a sad smile and unshed tears.

“I am here to talk to you about something actually.” Lexa says guiltily. “I cannot stay long but I have dragged you into a dangerous game. I was reckless and naive to think that I could do whatever I want. My father was right royals are not untouchable. And I have made a complete mess.”

“Lexa..”

“He wants you to wed King Roan.” Lexa blurts out.

“W-what?” Clarke balks out. “No I am not even of station. I have no money. I have nothing to offer King Roan. Why does your father want this of me?” Clarke asks confused. Lexa looks at her guilty and Clarke looks at her knowingly.

“He wishes for me to seduce the king..to learn his secrets and be in his ear?” Clarke asks, shocked.

“You don’t have to. I will get you out of this.” Lexa says honestly and passionately. “I will-”

“Lex..” Clarke says in a sad but resigned tone. “You’re driven to fix everything but you cannot fix this.”

“But..”

“No buts...I would have to wed eventually and I always knew it would not be for love. Today, I was weak for love and it almost cost me everything. I love you, Lexa. But we are not in a world that will allow our love to be. King Roan is a fair man from what I have heard. I could do much worse...Duke Collins a good example of that.” Clarke says with a laugh.

“How are you laughing about this?!” Lexa asks frustrated. “This is your life. You are not a pawn.”

“I have accepted my place in this world a long time ago. I will marry King Roan. I will keep my family safe and I will be your spy. I swear fealty to you, Lexa Woods.” Clarke says passionately and Lexa tears up.

“I love you.” Lexa says before pulling Clarke in for a emotionally charged kiss. Clarke moans and reciprocates the kiss fully. The pair kisses for what seems like forever. Lexa leads Clarke to the bed and they get comfortable with Lexa on top of Clarke. 

“We cannot go much further than this, Lexa.” Clarke breathes out between kisses. Lexa nods in agreement and goes in for another kiss. Lexa’s hands roam Clarke’s body and Clarke pulls her Lexa on top of her impossibly closer. Both girls know that their love story is doomed and this is probably their last night together. A night that Lexa should be spending with her new bride. But what neither girl realizes is that this is certainly not their last night together. Their love will survive, but the road to their happy ending with be one plagued with great sacrifice and even greater betrayals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the characters here have backwards thinking, I know. That is unfortunately intentional as this takes place in the medieval era so people's beliefs are very different. Doesn't make it right at all though.
> 
> Also try not to be too hard on Lexa. She's all over the place but she's just trying to do what's best for her people and for Clarke and herself. Unfortunately, all those things are conflicting interests. She will soon learn what it takes to be a royal. I guess in that way she is a OC from Lexa in the show. She is still learning how to be a leader. 
> 
> Also, there was a lot of world building in this one. There will still be politics in future chapters but it will focus a lot more on Clexa's love story and finding their way back to each other. 
> 
> Thoughts? What would you like to see?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Lexa and Clarke stay together even though the world is trying to pull them apart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger: mentions of Clexa with others (but not in great detail!!!)

_Three Weeks Later_

“Lex..” Clarke moans as Lexa kisses and sucks on her neck. Lexa’s one hand inches up and squeezes Clarke’s breast.

“I hate these corsets. I want to be able to really feel you.” Lexa mumbles on Clarke’s hot skin. Clarke tenses a bit. She wants that more than anything too. But she’s afraid that if she takes off her dress then it will only be a matter of time before they have sex and she needs to stay pure for the king. He will expect the sheets on their wedding night to show her purity.

“Sorry, that was too far, wasn’t it?” Lexa stops kissing the blonde and looks in her eyes. “I know we can’t..”

“I know baby. It’s okay. I really want to but..” Clarke says and Lexa cups her cheeks, a sad smile on her face.

“Let’s not talk about that okay? Let’s just focus on being together.” Lexa says and Clarke nods before the princess leans in and kisses Clarke soundly.

This has been their routine for the past three weeks now. It has been very hard. Lexa was very late to her wedding night, so late that Costia was already asleep once she arrived to their bedchambers. Eventually though Lexa did have to succumb to sleeping with her wife. The talk and rumours if she didn’t would have been too much to bear on top of all the other rumours.

Costia said she doesn’t care if Lexa strays but that she always needs to end up in their bed at the end of the night. She does not want to be made a fool of. Also, she wants to immediately start trying for an heir to secure her place. Lexa hesitantly agreed to start trying to have a child with her wife. When she told Clarke of this last week, it put a serious strain on them. Clarke knows that she has to but it hurt her greatly to hear the details. A part of Clarke was still hoping they could be each other's firsts but logically she knew that this world would not allow such things.

“You’re so beautiful.” Lexa murmurs into Clarke’s mouth. Clarke’s hands go in Lexa’s hair and tugged lightly. Lexa groans gently. Lexa kisses down to Clarke’s breasts and sucks on the top of them.

“I mean it wouldn’t be so bad if we took my dress off right?” Clarke mumbles breathlessly. “We can do other things..just...just not sex.”

“Really?” Lexa asks gently, trying to hide her excitement. She knows they can’t have sex but she really feels the need to be as close to Clarke as she can be. 

“Yes..it’s a little hard to get out of my dress though.” Clarke says shakily. “I will need your help.”

“Of course.” Lexa says with a lump in her throat. Lexa gets off Clarke and allows the blonde to stand up. Lexa gets up to Clarke standing with her back to her. Lexa pushes Clarke’s blonde locks passed her shoulder and kisses the bare skin she finds. Clarke shivers. Slowly and nervously, Lexa undoes the ties of Clarke’s dress one by one. It takes some time and both girls are abuzz with nerves and excitement. Eventually Clarke’s dress falls to the floor, leaving her only in her corset and underwear.

Clarke turns nervously and smiles at Lexa. Lexa’s eyes widen. Just this feels so much more intimate than anything she has ever done with Costia and her and Clarke aren’t even touching each other. 

“Bed?” Lexa asks unsurely, unable to move her eyes off Clarke’s body. Clarke nods and swallows heavy. She feels so exposed but she trusts Clarke.

Clarke lays down first and Lexa gets on top of her. Lexa leans her weight on her one arm and allows her other hand to slowly trace Clarke’s curves from her breasts down to her thighs. They aren’t kissing but an erotic tension is building in the air. Both of their breaths are coming in short, in anticipation for what’s to come. Lexa toys with the band of Clarke’s panties and Clarke sucks in a sharp breath. Lexa looks up at her with eyes filled with love.

Lexa’s hand travels back up to Clarke’s breasts, still covered by her corset. Clarke’s shy eyes watching the princess’ movements the whole time. 

“Kiss me please..” Clarke says in a shy voice. She can’t take the gentle teasing touches anymore. She feels as if she may explode. Lexa nods and leans her weight on both arms now. She kisses Clarke with more hunger than Clarke has ever experienced before. Clarke can feel Lexa’s erection through her pants. The blonde wonders briefly if Lexa always gets this excited when they kiss but she never really is able to feel it because of her big over the top dresses.

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck. Lexa’s hands wander down to Clarke’s thighs and wrap them around her own body. She starts grinding into Clarke’s core and the blonde gasps out.

“Is this okay?” Lexa asks unsurely, not knowing how far is too far for Clarke.

“Um y-yes.” Clarke stutters out, starting to feel really really good down there. Lexa nods and goes in to kiss Clarke’s neck. One of Clarke’s hands travel under Lexa’s shirt, exploring her abs and inching towards her breasts.

“Fuck..” Lexa whispers softly against Clarke’s neck, biting gently the skin she finds, careful not to leave any visible marks. “I’d like to take my shirt off if that’s alright with you.” Lexa says softly. Clarke bites her lip and nods. Lexa leans up and takes her shirt off, leaving her only in chest bindings.

Lexa crashes their lips together, one of her hands moving in between their hot bodies. “Clarke..” Lexa groans.

“Yes?” Clarke asks breathily, her hips bucking a little. She feels so turned on. She can’t help it.

“Can I touch you? I won’t take your virtue..I just...want to make you feel good.” Lexa mumbles and Clarke nods.

“Yes.” Clarke simply says and Lexa looks slightly surprised.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks carefully. She wouldn’t dream of pushing Clarke. She knows how hard this is for both of them.

“Yes, you can touch me.” Clarke says surely and lifts Lexa’s chin up to kiss her. They kiss passionately as Lexa’s one hand travels down to Clarke’s panties. Lexa rubs Clarke over her underwear. Clarke moans softly. Lexa kisses her bare shoulder. After a few minutes of building her up over her panties, Lexa pushes her long slender fingers passed Clarke’s underwear, exploring the blonde’s folds.

Clarke’s brows furrow and her eyes shut tightly. “Lexa..” Clarke moans delicately and her arms tense around Lexa’s muscled back. 

Lexa rubs and explores a little until she hears Clarke gasp. Knowing she has found Clarke’s clit, Lexa focuses her efforts in that area, rubbing soft circles. 

“Oh..” Clarke says in a surprised whisper. She didn’t know pleasure could feel this good. From what she has been told by Octavia and Raven, sex is usually not about pleasuring yourself but your future spouse. She didn’t know it could feel this good for her too.

Clarke comes undone with Lexa’s fingers. She moans into Lexa’s mouth as her back arches up in a small yet powerful orgasm. When her body relaxes, Lexa pulls her hand out of Clarke’s panties and kisses her love’s forehead. 

“I love you.” Lexa says as lays on her back, gently situating Clarke on top of her. The blonde lays there cuddling her love for a few minutes, recovering from the new but definitely an not unwelcomed experience.

“That was..unexpected.” Clarks says in a raspy voice, before letting out a small yawn.

“Seems to have tired you out.” Lexa says with a small yet happy smile on her face.

“Mmm.” Clarke murmurs out. She looks up at Lexa. “Can I...can I do something for you?” Clarke says shyly. She’s unsure exactly how to go about it but she knows she wants to please Lexa.

“You..I..Clarke, you don’t have to.” Lexa mumbles out. She really really wants to be with Clarke but she doesn’t want Clarke to feel pressured just because she did something for her.

“No no...I want to. I really want to Lex I promise.” Clarke says and Lexa swallows heavy. She does feel wildly turned on from touching Clarke and making her come. “Do you not want me to?” Clarke asks insecurely.

“Hey of course, I want you to.” Lexa says softly. “I just don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“I feel so loved right now. There’s no way you could ever feel pressured in this moment.” Clarke answers honestly. She leans up and kisses Lexa hard. Lexa immediately pulls Clarke up into a sitting position, grabbing at her ass.

Clarke kisses down Lexa’s chest, slowly undoing her chest bindings. 

“Clarke..” Lexa mumbles, pulling slightly on Clarke’s hair. Clarke begins to kiss Lexa’s now exposed breasts. Clarke can feel how hard Lexa is through her pants. Clarke moves on of her hands to rub Lexa experimentally over her clothes. Lexa moans out softly.

Just as Clarke is about to undo Lexa’s pants, there is a loud resolute knock at her door. Both girls immediately tense and look at each other in fear.

Clarke hurriedly gets up and Lexa does the same.

“Who is it?” Clarke asks in a high pitched voice.

“Raven.” The girl on the other side of the door says in a bored tone. She tries to open the door. “Why is your door locked?” She asks in an annoyed tone.

“I was napping. Just a moment, please.” Clarke says in the most calm voice she can muster up right now. Lexa quickly puts on her chest bindings and her shirt, then moving the hurriedly help tie up Clarke’s dress again. 

“Where do I hide?” Lexa asks in a worried whisper.

“Umm...behind the dressing room divider.” Clarke says in a panicked low voice.

“She will see my feet..” Lexa says. Clarke shakes her head.

“No I will get her to sit on the other side of the room. She will not even look your way. Now go.” Clarke says and then moves toward the door. She glances back once more to check if Lexa is hidden and when she confirms that she is, she unlocks the door.

“Raven, what are your doing here? You never come visit me.” Clarke says in a fake upbeat tone. Raven eyes her curiously before walking passed her into the room, surveying it carefully.

“Why don’t we sit over here and I’ll get Margaret to fetch us some tea.” Clarke says in a squeaky voice, desperate for Raven not to look by the room dividers where Lexa is hiding. Raven nods and moves towards where Clarke requests.

“You really should not nap in your finest dresses. You look like you were in between the sheets with someone.” Raven says nonchalantly. Clarke flashes a tense smile.

“I will be sure to remember that. Thank you.” Clarke says and Raven looks around, bored.

“So why are you here? You’re usually off with Octavia and I know Princess Costia is off with her cousins for the day.” Clarke asks curiously. That’s why her and Lexa were being so reckless spending the day together in Clarke’s room. Nobody was supposed to be around until tomorrow morning, especially and most importantly, Costia.

“Octavia is off with Duke Lincoln. She believes he is going to ask to start formally courting her today.” Raven says annoyed. Clarke narrows her eyes slightly. She always has had an inkling that Raven and Octavia were a little _too_ close but she has never said anything, choosing to keep her suspicions to herself. But now it seems abundantly obvious that Raven is jealous.

“Ah I see. Do you have any new marriage prospects?” Clarke inquiries, trying to act calm even though Lexa is hiding on the opposite side of the room. 

“I do actually. Duke Wick has expressed some interest.” Raven says plainly. “But I am not interested.”

“Why not?” Clarke asks. Duke Wick is a man of great wealth. She doesn’t see why he is not higher up on Raven’s list.

“He has no station.” Raven says as if it leaves a bad taste in her mouth.”

“I see.” Clarke says quietly. She knows Raven, Octavia, and Costia look down on her because she has no royal station, only reputation and the appearance of great wealth. But now that her family has no wealth, she has essentially nothing. If word got out of her debts, her family would be ruined.

“I still don’t understand why King Mateo chose you to set up with King Roan. Octavia and I both have much higher station. All your family has is money, which the King of Azgeda has plenty of already I’m sure.” Raven says and Clarke winces.

“Yes..well I’m sure the King has his reasons.” Clarke says politically with a tight smile on her face.

“And you have no idea what those reasons are?” Raven asks knowingly.

Clarke bites her lip. “Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I am the only one still pure.” Clarke sasses back. Raven’s eyes widen and she immediately shuts up.

Raven laughs and looks at Clarke with a sly smirk. “You have grown some backbone in recent times, Clarke. I think I’m starting to like this version of you much better.” Raven says and Clarke looks surprised.

“So since you’re so pure,” Raven jokes, “I’m sure you will need some tips on how to please your future husband. He is coming in a few days, yes?” 

Clarke swallows heavy. She doesn’t want to hear this, especially with Lexa in the room. Lexa must be boiling.

“Oh that’s not necessary.” Clarke waves off, blushing.

“Oh I think it is. Here let me tell you a few things..” Raven starts to go off and Clarke sits there uncomfortably through it all, knowing Lexa is probably teeming with jealousy and frustration on the other side of the room.

///

“Princess Woods.” Clarke says carefully. Lexa tenses. It is dinnertime. Only an hour ago was Clarke able to convince Raven to leave her room with her. That means Lexa had to stand there for two hours as Raven went on and on about how to please their future spouses. 

“Lady Griffin.” Lexa says tensely. She knows she has no right to be upset at Clarke. She’s just immensely jealous. They agreed they would never talk about the other having to be intimate with their spouse. It was too hard, especially after Clarke broke down in tears last week when Lexa told her that Costia wanted to try for a child. This is all becoming too much.

Clarke is a much stronger woman than she is. At least for Lexa, it is all hypothetical right now. Clarke has not so much as been in the same room as King Roan yet. But Clarke. Clarke knows Lexa has been with Costia and it pains her so.

“Can we talk please?” Clarke whispers. They’re in the main hall so Clarke has to be careful what she says.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Lexa says quietly. “It’s fine.”

“Please.” Clarke says desperately. Lexa looks over at the blonde and sees the sadness enveloping her blue eyes. Lexa just can’t take it. She nods.

“15 minutes. Your chambers.” Lexa says. Clarke nods and scurries off, waiting to have this hard conversation with Lexa.

///

“Come in.” Clarke says and opens the door for Lexa to enter. She closes the door to be sure that nobody else will hear this conversation.

“I’m so sorry, Lexa. You shouldn’t have had to listen to that.” Clarke profusely apologizes.

“It’s not your fault, Clarke.” Lexa says sadly.

“I just..Lexa I don’t know what to do here.” Clarke says and moving close to Lexa. Lexa opens her arms and Clarke falls in them, hugging onto her love. “This world we live in is so unfair. I can’t stand the thought of being with you like this but not really being with you..” Clarke says in between cries.

Lexa tenses. What is Clarke saying? “Where does that leave us?” Lexa asks nervously. She knows it’s hard but she can’t imagine not having Clarke in her life like this.

“I don’t know.” Clarke says in sniffles. “I’ve been trying so hard to pretend that you being with Costia doesn’t bother me.”

“Clarke, I won’t be with her ever again.” Lexa says, cupping her love’s cheeks.

“She is your wife.” Clarke says sadly. 

“I don't care about that. So many royal couples lead separate lives.” Lexa says passionately. She will not lose Clarke. She can’t.

“But that is usually after years. After there are heirs.” Clarke says with her eyes red and puffy from all the tears.

“Clarke..” Lexa says in a heartbreaking tone. “I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not.” Clarke says, her voice cracking. “But maybe...maybe we shouldn’t be together intimately again for some time.” Clarke says in a shiver and Lexa pulls her close. “It will be hard on you too, Lex, when King Roan arrives in a few days. Trust me, it is so hard to see your love with someone else. I think...we need time to see how this arrangement could ever possibly work.”

“If being with me is too hard then I understand. I never want to cause you pain. But just know that I will only ever love you. I...I do not ever have to be with Costia again. I do not care what she says about heirs. None of it matters to me, only you do.” Lexa says cupping Clarke’s cheeks and kissing her forehead. 

“My love, you need to start thinking like the future leader of a nation.” Clarke says sadly. “I worry you are blinded by our love. As a royal, you don’t have the privilege to throw caution to the wind. You have to deal with the cards you have been dealt.” Clarke says sadly.

“But Clarke..” Lexa says emotionally.

“I love you so much, Lexa.” Clarke says, shakily kissing the brunette. “But we need some time apart. We can’t live in this fantasyland. You need to focus on being a ruler and I...I need to protect my family. Anything we ever will have will always be in the shadows. I just..I need time to think.”

Lexa nods and holds Clarke as she cries. She wants more than anything to be reckless again. She wants Clarke. She doesn’t even care for her crown anymore. She knows she is selfish for thinkings such thoughts. All she wants is her love. If she could give her crown to her younger brother, she gladly would if it meant being happy and in love with Clarke. One day she will find that she can have both, a heavy crown laying on her head and Clarke laying by her side. All in due time, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments. I really do appreciate them all. I have seen quite some comments on not wanting clexa with others. Trust me, I totally get that. I just want to express that I am not putting them with others for the sake of angst. In this fic, they live in a very twisted world. I would have loved to make clexa eachother's firsts but it just wouldn't have been feasible with Lexa already being married and the King Roan plotline. That being said, I can promise you that after this chapter, there won't be so much of a focus/mention of them with others. It's just important to them right now because they are trying to figure out what they mean to each other. But there will be no in depth sex scenes with Clexa and others so that's a plus for those who don't want to see that.
> 
> Sound off in the comments about things you'd like to see (or not see)!

**Author's Note:**

> so there will be alot of angst, just a heads up. happy ending for clexa eventually though


End file.
